man razors always seem to be better built than lady shavers
why am i expected to remove all hair from nose to toe with a rusty knife glued onto a cheap pink plastic stick on an almost daily basis
if it is insisted that i be as hairless as a sphynx with alopecia swimming in a vat of radioactive nair i should at least be given razors that can sustain a single session of chopping down the dense and beautiful forestry that covers my upside-down canada for fuck’s sake
A COOL STORY ABOUT GROOT
Look at that sweet pickle. Look at that honey. So obviously, at work, I’ve been talking about Guardians of the Galaxy a lot. And playing the soundtrack a lot. And getting fired a lot.
And there’s a very cool story that I’ve been telling everyone. Did you know that Groot is one of the oldest Marvel characters still in print? His first appearance was in Tales to Astonish #13, which came out in November, 1960! He’s been in print longer than Marvel comics have been Marvel comics! (Timley comics officially changed their branding to Marvel in 1961).
He’s older than the Fantastic Four, the X-men, AND The Avengers!
Insert tree puns here! (Make like a tree and leaf? Idk.)
What’s really crazy, is Groot disappeared from comics for the next sixteen years! He next showed up in 1976, in The Incredible Hulk Annual #5, with a crew of other monsters intent on giving Hulk a really bad day.
WATCH OUT HULK IT’S BLIP!
So sixteen years? That’s a hell of a gap. But Groot’s third appearance didn’t come for another TWENTY-ONE YEARS! In Sensational Spider-man #21, a young Peter Parker reads Tales to Astonish #13 and then encounters Groot in a nightmare that is portrayed as reality.
It? Oh my god, Peter, that giant tree clearly has a name.
After that, Groot bounced around from book to book until finding a more permanent home in Abnett and Lanning’s Guardians of the Galaxy (which just came back into print and you should ALL READ IT BECAUSE SPACE LESBIANS DRAGONS TREES RACOONS TALKING DOGS AND ADAM WAAAAARLOOOOOOCK). That run of Guardians was cancelled in 2010 (WHICH WAS A BONEHEAD MOVE), and then Groot returned to a permanent place in our hearts with the announcement of the GotG movie, and the new ongoing comic series of the same name.
So when you go and see Guardians of the Galaxy thisweekend (or tonight, like me) remember not only is it the first marvel movie written by a woman, but you’re also looking at a great piece of comics history!
(Technically Jim Hammond, Captain America, and Namor are the oldest Marvel characters still in print, but we don’t count Namor because he’s a bitchy gay fishlord.)
(also huge thanks to dragonklaw82 who probably told me this story at some point)
yeah seriously tell us how wizardry’s done in the new world tell me how the wizards from france and spain and britain stamped out the brujos and the medicine men and set up their own schools tell me what the fuck the british raj did to fucking india because the patel twins are going to school in scotland and what are they told about their history, tell me about native american kids learning to say wingardium leviosa with hate in their hearts and tell me about wizarding rabbis bickering about whether you can use potions on the sabbath tell me about the slaves on their ships with their wands broken, mouthing curses in the dark tell me about the runaways that made it with garter snakes wrapped around their wrists that told them when they tasted dogs in the distance, tell me about the underground railroad and abolitionists with unbreakable vows and home-spun invisibility cloaks and disilusionments, using obliviate, using imperio, knowing that they served a higher justice, tell me about what happened to black wizards in the fifties, about what gates they were storming in the sixties tell me about queer wizards taking love potions every morning in their coffee to stay married to their husbands and their wives because what else could they do?
the world only begins and ends with straight white christians if you don’t bother looking any farther than that and too many people don’t and i am tired, tired, tired
do men have resting bitch faces as well or do they not have negative characteristics ascribed to them for putting on a neutral rather than a deliriously happy facial expression
This is the realest shit
Yo, I’m not even going to pretend I haven’t been bolder about walking into intersections since I graduated. Or maybe since I saw this text post when it started circulating
Whichever. The motto is “hit me, motherfucker, pay my loans.”
if u don’t like Hufflepuffs then u must not like acceptance, honesty, equality, loyalty, easy kitchen access and lovely cozy hobbit holes and if u don’t like any of those things then u must be a very sad person and i will invite u into our cozy badger tunnel and nab u some cauldron cakes and butterbeer from the kitchens next door and listen to ur troubles until u feel a lil less sad